


What's really absurd is I'm not in charge of the grim reaper industry

by 3x3



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET CHILDREN, THIS IS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY!!!, i mean it's a tiny bit dark at the end but still, this ain't angst i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 11:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12681381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: A cat should not be allowed to run across the windowsills of the sixth floor.“Why are you wearing a cloak?” he blurted.The teen raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re a wandering spirit facing an all mighty grim reaper, and all you want to ask is why said grim reaper wears a cloak?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love my adorable boys  
> scream at me on tumblr @thebottomlesspitofbottomlessness

The cat came from nowhere. If only it would scurry away as quickly as it came without leaving any traces, like normal cats do. But  _no_ , this one just had to cross his path, and just happened to be a klutz.

 _Then it shouldn’t have been jumping around so high up_ , is what Tadashi thought.

A cat should not be allowed to run across the windowsills of the sixth floor. Especially not ones with two left hind legs. Especially not when one of those windowsill carry a large wobbly flowerpot. And especially not when Tadashi just happens to walk by on the way home from school.

Long story short, with an extra dosage of dramatic but completely accurate sound effects: cat bumped into the pot (thud MEOW), it tittered off the edge (whoosh) and landed precisely onto Tadashi’s unsuspecting head (CRASH).

That was the short version, but in truth was that was about all that happened, and Tadashi couldn’t write a standard four-page essay on it if he tried. Maybe if he’d used the little trick from school and made the words really big he could make it.

He didn’t have much time to ponder upon that though, with the searing pain up his mind and the sudden give-away from his knees. Dots danced in his eyes, and he tried to blink away the haziness to no avail…

After what seemed like forever, Tadashi’s eyes cleared again, but it was a strange view. The colors seemed distorted, and the shapes looked odd, and Tadashi thought that maybe he hurt his head during the little accident, and made a mental note to go to a doctor later, but that’s when he discovered that it was not the most alarming thing about the situation at the moment, for a few feet right ahead lay his own body, head what seemed like split open. Bits of pot shards framing his figure. Tadashi felt immediately grateful that all the images are blurry, he didn’t think he could handle looking at his own broken face in HD quality.

Was he supposedly a ghost now?(??)

His first instinct was to puke, but the sad thing with souls was that they didn’t have physical stomachs to carry food.

Tadashi guessed that he should be in grief, he just died, after all, and in such a ridiculous and insignificant way as well, but he was strangely calm. He should be panicking, but there was none of that in him.

Mostly he’s just confused about what happens now. Does he just randomly float around in the afterworld? If that was the case then why hasn’t he seen any other ghost?

His second thought was that being hit in the head by a flowerpot was literally the lamest way to die.

Tadashi thought he’d seen everything by then. After all, it’s not every day you get to experience a free tour to another realm.

But what was even stranger was the cloaked man swinging over to Tadashi’s still body and crouching down by his bloodied (or it’s what he guessed, with his off-colored sight) skull.

Was  _that_  the grim reaper?

Tadashi felt somewhat violated by this, being inspected like some kind of oddly angled trash even though he was already dead and he probably couldn’t care less about it.

He called out nevertheless, since he literally had nothing to lose. “Hey.”

The figure turned.

Okay, definitely not your average human corpse collector then.

His hood fell off, and Tadashi could see his face was one of a teenage boy’s. He clicked his tongue. Tadashi furrowed his brows. “Are you supposed to be the grim reaper?”

The teen looked bored. “Is that what you think I am? Isn’t that a bit absurd?”

“Uh.” he wasn’t quite sure what his point was. “My most-likely to be dead body is lying right over there? And now you’re here, and you can see this… spiritual form of myself? How am I supposed to think otherwise?”

“Fair point.” the teen shrugged. “That’s somewhat close to my job description I guess. Call me what you will.” He got up to his feet, high boots snug up to his knees. The grim reaper dusted off his thighs, although Tadashi was pretty sure his cloak would be the dirtiest, if he could even touch the physical dirt. “I’m sure you have many questions, and it’s kind of my duty” (he made a face at that) “to answers any and all your problems, or I might get kicked back to file sorting, so please remember to leave a five star review. Go on, fire away.”

“Why are you wearing a cloak?” he blurted.

The teen raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re a wandering spirit facing an all mighty grim reaper, and all you want to ask is why said grim reaper wears a cloak?” he shook his head, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with the randomness. “It’s a grim-reaper thing. Yeah, it’s dumb and extra and totally last-century but it’s like a uniform. Orders from the fashion department, something about upholding a tradition fashion trend.” he scowled. “If they’re so about upholding traditions shouldn’t we be roaming around naked? Saves budget if you ask me. They have an unreasonably high expense for a practically useless department.” He held up the hem of his cloak distastefully. “Any other stupid question?”

Tadashi didn’t think that was a stupid question, but he wasn’t about to argue with a guy who’s about to reap his soul.

“Am I dead?” that seemed safe enough, other than the fact that it was blatantly obvious.

The grim reaper eyed Tadashi carefully, and there was a trickle of light dancing in his orbs like he was amused. Or maybe exasperated. Tadashi didn’t exactly have a Masters degree on reading facial expressions of celestial beings. He decided it was amusement, just to make himself feel a little less threatened. “That’s an interesting question.”

(He’d been right on the amusement thing after all, but he wasn’t sure what he could do with that.)

The grim reaper walked steadily towards Tadashi’s spiritual form. “What’s your name?”

“Shouldn’t you have a list of names of the people you’re about to reap each day?” he asked nervously before he could stop himself.

The grim reaper rolled his eyes. “We do, in fact, have one of those, but you can’t expect me to bring it wherever I go. Do you know how thick that thing is? It’s like an encyclopedia of names ‘Sides, there are so many souls I have to reap today. You really expect me to pay enough attention to match the names with the face? And before you could ask,”

He continued on loudly before Tadashi could insert any comment. “Yes. We also have your pictures. Yes we’re kind of like stalkers. Moving on. I don’t have that great of a memory, so answer this simple question. What is your name?”

“…Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

“Well that’s an interesting question, Yamaguchi-kun.” he went in smoothly like the whole name fiasco thing never happened. “Are you dead? The better question is, were you ever alive? What is living?”

Tadashi wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He was never a philosophical kind of guy.

Grim-reaper guy must’ve noticed his distress, because he laughed and said. “Don’t sweat it, kid. Just sayin’. It’s quite simple actually. You’re not dead. Not exactly. This is your mind going through a self-protection mode, like a cocoon. Your body is over there, dying, and your mind is trying to preserve your conscious.”

“So…” Tadashi tried to process that information. “I’m not dead?”

“Yet.” corrected grim-reaper guy. “Trust me, you will be very much dead if you don’t get medical help soon.”

“If I’m about to die, for real, then why aren’t I freaking the hell out?” Tadashi felt like dying was a pretty valid reason for freaking out.

“Part of the dying. Your emotions are fading. Your self-protect mechanism is trying to hold on, but the jumpier ones are slipping away, leaving the mellow, calm thoughts.” The grim reaper shrugged. “It’s better if you ask me. I’d hate to have souls screaming at my face all day. Any more?”

Tadashi grew silent for a while, out of immediate questions. The grim reaper waited patiently, which Tadashi was grateful for. Other than the fact that he quickly directed his attention to a small spurt of grass shooting out the side if the pavement, Tadashi would’ve thought he cared.

Finally, he asked. “Do you think I’m going to die?”

The grim reaper lifted his head and studied Tadashi oddly. “Do you think you’re going to die?”

“It’d be a bad time to die.” Tadashi replied, fully experiencing what it’s like to lack drastic emotions. “I mean, it’s my birthday today.” he explained. “I bet my mom bought a cake and everything, even though I ask her not to do it every year. My friends would probably want to celebrate it, as an excuse to slack off and have cake, most likely.” he chuckled at that. “But I guess all that would be pretty boring and a pity to waste all their kindness.”

The grim reaper looked deep in thought, for once. His color disoriented orbs flashed. Then he spoke. “Tell you what, I should really be getting to my next soul for today. So here’s what you gotta do. You wait here, right here. Don’t go anywhere. And you concentrate on a thought that would hang to your mortal life. And maybe we’ll meet again today, or maybe….” his mouth twitched upward.

He stretched out his limbs and yawned. “Not really much of a pleasure, but still nice to meet you, Yamaguchi-kun.” he paused. “And happy seventeenth.” he smiled, then turned away and started strolling down the street. There was a flash of color when he left, green strokes embedded in dark brown.

“Wait!” Tadashi called out after his back. “How did you know I was turning seventeen today?”

“Lucky guess.” came the faraway reply.

Something shifted in the atmosphere.

Tadashi squatted down to knelt by his physical, unmoving body.

There was some yelling, and he watched as people started pooling around him. Then the sound of ambulance sirens in the distance.

He thought about his family. His overworking mom and his house-loving dad. He thought about his friends, running and jumping and causing all sorts of trouble in the gymnasium. He thought about aging, becoming seventeen.

He leaned down and whispered to his hideously injured face. “Hang in there, buddy.”

* * *

“You  _do_  realize you’re going back to the stacking room for that, don’t you? Assuming they don’t straight up send you to toilet patrol.”

“Nothing they can prove.” Futakuchi kicked back in his seat comfortably. Nametsu sighed, crossing her arms. “You know we’re not supposed to meddle with Fate. This is big stuff. You can’t just give a random mortal a free pass. Complaints will be ringing all day. I know you’re expert at bending the rules-”

“Aww, Mai. You flatter me.”

“-It’s not a compliment.” she glared at him pointedly. “But you know you haven’t changed anything.” she wrinkled her nose. “Okay, fine. Maybe you did spare his life, but for how long? Fate is much more flexible than imaginable. Just because you let him go today doesn’t mean you can stall his inevitable death for long. What happens then?”

“Mai, you know how it is. Fate may have arranged for him to die today, but the wound is just not bad enough.” Futakuchi shrugged. “Not my fault that they brought him to the emergency room in time.” he batted his eyes innocently for good measure.

“Cut it. I knew you were the one who attracted the ambulance in the first place. It’s the only reason why they got to him in time.”

He beamed brightly. “You’re not gonna rat me out, are you?”

She huffed. “It’s not your first time using the excuse.” Nametsu frowned. “What’s with the other guy again? From exactly two years ago? He died only weeks after from another stroke. I reaped his soul myself. He remembered you, you know?” she trailed off, noticing Futakuchi’s expression growing darker.

Nametsu cleared her throat. “Point is, you’re paying a lot that you gain. Why do you keep doing this for them?”

“They should really stop assigning jobs on us employees birthdays.” Futakuchi grinned. “All this sentimentality of getting older is making me merciful.”

“We don’t exactly age, Kenji.” Nametsu reminded him softly.

“And apparently that means we can take away others’ right to grow old?”

“I know you don’t like this job, Kenji.” she breathed out tiredly. “But this is bigger than just you or me.”

He didn’t answer. It was a lecture he’d already heard countless of times. He wasn’t a rookie anymore. He’s seen so many gruesome deaths on his hands, literally.

Nametsu knew it too, because she fell quiet instead of going off on her usual rant.

Finally she said. “Just give it a thought, okay? It’s not just for your sake, but for the sake of the people you’ve spared too. If their time is up, it’s up. Prolonging only makes it worse. You think you’ve survived the worst, only to have it slap you in the face again immediately after.” she hesitated. “It might be a bit late for me to say this, but happy birthday.”

Then she was gone, most likely off to her next soul.

Futakuchi sat upright and stared into the white walls of the common room.

They kept the room clean, to make it a pleasant environment for those who wanted a clear mind while resting. Futakuchi thought it was stupid and they should’ve filled the empty cabinets with the latest mortal magazines and games.

Sadly, he wasn’t in charge of room custom or decoration.

Nevertheless, he let his mind drift off, about the boy who survived a falling flowerpot barely, and the red-ridden teen that didn’t make it past nineteen.

And he wondered about his own question.  _What was living if everyone had to face death eventually._


	2. [Bonus]-(implied Oifuta)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i will die before i stop writing oifuta

“Where’s the other one?” the teen did not look fazed at all, despite a grim reaper landing upon his windowsill.

Mai froze. “What?”

They have been seen by the mortal eyes from time to time before the mortal’s demise, but it certainly didn’t happen much, and during those instances, even less people can face Mai’s kind so calmly. In fact, it happened only a handful of times. No matter how ready people think they’re prepared for leaving the world, when it really came, they’d realize they still have so many plans for the future that they won’t ever get.

“What other one?” Mai frowned.

The teen eyed her strangely. “You’re a grim reaper? That’s what the other guy said to refer to you as.”

“What other guy?” Mai demanded again. Mortals shouldn’t know of their existence. If this was the case, then there must’ve been a loophole-

“He said to call him Futakuchi Kenji.” the teen blinked. “Or was that just an alias to dismiss me?”

So it HAD been Futakuchi.

“What did he tell you?” she asked the guy-Oikawa Tooru, according to the name list.

He was suddenly alert. “Nothing. Did he get into trouble? He said it was unlikely.” Oikawa responded defensively.

“I’m not trying to get him in trouble.” she assured him. “Kenji’s my friend.”

He studied her quizzically. “What’s your name.”

“Nametsu Mai.” she said quickly. “And it seems like you know the drill.”

The teen sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. So you’re here to collect my soul?”

“Not quite yet. I’m here to check on your condition.”

“To see if my soul’s nice and dead enough to bring to the underworld?” Oikawa’s lips twitched upward. “Do I have to stand up and do a ritual dance across the room? I’m afraid my lungs are too trash for that.”

She could definitely see why Futakuchi paid him more attention than usual now. Sure a bunch of different souls pass away each day but there were a large amount of grim reapers too, and it wasn’t often that they got to collect souls of young teenage boys (the age of running around in the great outdoors playing sports and falling in love) who are also attractive AND quick-witted.

“It’s fine. I’m just swinging by.”

“So you’ll be back for me when I die?” his eyes glimmered with humorless amusement. “Futakuchi Kenji’s just leaving me like this? You’re his friend, tell him it’s uncool to abandon his assigned soul who’s been waiting for him every day for the past two weeks.”

“…Sure, Oikawa-san.” Mai smiled, strained. She decided that she was going to keep this little episode to herself.

He would be better off not knowing that Oikawa Tooru had spent the last days of his life searching for death despite Futakuchi trying so hard to keep him alive.

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FUTAKUCHI KENJI AND YAMAGUCHI TADASHI!!!!


End file.
